


Slow Can Be Good

by HeddersTheOwl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Captain America Sam Wilson, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Sam Wilson, Post-Endgame, Sam Wilson-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 23:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19344835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeddersTheOwl/pseuds/HeddersTheOwl
Summary: Sam is quietly devastated by Steve choosing his past over their future. But did he really?(AKA, Steve would never and the last scene of endgame was lies okay? Okay.)





	Slow Can Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to channel my lingering feelings of betrayal from canon lol. I love Sam and so does Steve. The first lines may not be accurate to what the actual last lines are but I do not remember!

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Old man Steve considered this, then said "No."

Sam nodded, and tried to hide the fact that his heart felt like it was trying to twist its way out of his body. Steve, his Steve, had left him here to live out the rest of his life in the past, casting Sam off like an old coat. 

"Well. See you around I guess." Sam said. His voice didn't shake, his smile didn't waver. He'd schooled his emotions around the guy plenty, what's one more time?

"I don't think we will." Steve said, calm but firm.

What could Sam even say to that? He watched Steve walk away, his gait stiff and uneven in a way Sam had never known it to be. Bucky nodded to Steve as he passed, his faint smile practically a delighted grin given how sour his face normally looked. Sam until he heard a car door slam and an engine rumble to life, then looked to Bucky, still not letting his calm façade drop. 

"You're really okay with this?"

Bucky shrugged.

"He needed to live his life, I never counted on being in it since..." He gestured at his metal arm. "He's a long way past deserving a happy ending, don't you think?"

"Right. Yeah. Good for him."

Only, it wasn't good for Sam. He actually had been counting on Steve being in his life for...life. They hadn't said anything, because how could you even start, but he'd thought it was understood between them. Sam had brought Steve over for Christmas, played him the embarrassing mix tape he'd thankfully never given to his middle school crush, gave him a spare set of keys to his house. He'd made space for Steve in his life. He thought he'd had a space in Steve's life too. 

Sam sank down onto the bench that Steve had been sitting on and stared out over the treetops. He vaguely registered Bucky vanishing after a few minutes of silence (Sam had gotten used to hanging around with spies, so it didn't phase him) and heard some hushed voices. He tried to tune them out in favour of the birdsong he could just about hear in the distance, it was likely Barnes filling Bruce in on Cap - on Steve's decision. 

Sam ran his thumb against the rim of the shield on his arm. How did his closest friend think him worthy of being Captain America but not worth sticking around for? He'd rather go back to a time of open faced bigotry and no internet rather than see it through with Sam? Of course, Sam thought ruefully, Steve had kept up his skills of mixed messaging over the course of 80 years. What with all the practice he'd had with Sam.

One bright weekend last year (or, maybe six years ago? Sam still hadn't fully adjusted to the time difference since coming back) Steve had taken Sam out to a summer fayre in some tiny country town. They went on every ride at least twice, even after Steve had complained that the teacups, the carousel and the big wheel went too slow.

"The slowness is the point, adrenaline junkie. Just let yourself be where you are. It's good to be slow for a while."

Steve had looked sceptical, so Sam offered his hand palm up across the teacup table (eggshell blue, to match the outer pattern). There was a moment of hesitation from Steve, then he took Sam's hand.

"Okay now, shut your eyes-" Sam did so himself- "and breathe deep in....and out. You feel it?" 

Sam opened his eyes. Steve was looking at him, expression soft and open. 

"Yeah, I think I do." Steve firmly squeezed Sam's hand with his, and continued. "Slow can be good. With the right person."

They rode the teacups five more times before the fayre closed, and Steve had wordlessly took Sam's hand every time.

Sam had been so sure he'd been talking about him in that moment. He'd been whistling the whole way back to base camp and given his leftover cotton candy to Wanda, even though it had been daylight robbery to buy. But he must have been talking about...whoever from the past. His wife? Husband? Spouse? Sam had never known Steve to wear jewelry but that ring was clearly well worn. 

Sam buried his face in his hands, willing his eyes to stop prickling. He could hear someone coming into the clearing, but didn't look up. He guessed it was Nat, she had a knack for finding him when something major happened. Barnes must have filled her in because her movements were audible. Sam called out from under his hands.

"Guess you were right after all, Nat. Steve did surprise me. I didn't even have to tell him how I feel straight out for him to do it."

The footsteps paused, then kept approaching, slower. Sam wasn't ready for her carefully not pitying expression so kept talking to his knees.

"You can save your breath for now. I don't want to even think about Steve Rogers for the next hundred years at least."

Nat stopped in front of him, and said in the wrong voice:

"Well. That's unfortunate."

Sam's head whipped up. Stood in front of him was Steve. Not old man Steve with wrinkles and a thinning hairline, but young Steve. His Steve. Sam was on his feet in seconds, shield at the ready on instinct and stance ready for a fight.

The thing that looked like Steve raised its hands placatingly.

"Woah, woah, it's me. We went to your niece's 5th birthday and I got her a sparkly unicorn that you said she'd hate and she really, really did." 

Sam kept the shield up, still suspicious. He remembered that day clearly, it had only been a few months ago for him. Sarah had been diplomatically polite when she opened it, but had later used it as target practice with the super soaker Sam had bought her. Sam had laughed at Steve's put out expression and felt a private thrill when Steve said they should get her a present together next year.

"You remember the taste of her cake?" He asked, stony faced. He felt faintly ridiculous, but powered through. 

Steve hadn't had any of the walnut cake because, while his perfect serum body didn't have any allergies, he could viscerally remember how awful he'd felt when he'd had bad reactions pre-serum, and thus even a nutty smell made his stomach turn. He'd told Sam about it as he watched him attempt to stuff his whole slice into his mouth, and he later beamed at Sam when he'd convinced the team to go nut-free - in case of causing a reaction in someone they were trying to rescue.

"I remember watching you have it, and you taking note of what I'd said. You really are the best person I know."

Steve Rogers SincerityTM dripped from the last sentence, and Sam lowered the shield. That's him alright.

"So, who's the other guy?"

Steve ducked his head and shuffled his feet, plainly embarrassed.

"Well, I was planning it to go quite a bit differently but uh...surprise, you got pranked?"

Sam was not impressed, and let it show on his face when Steve glanced up at him.

"Pranked."

"It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, I was going to jump out as soon as he handed the shield over but then...you took it so seriously, I didn't really know how to dig out of it."

Sam clutched the shield tighter to his body.

"You're not having it back."

"Yes, of course, it is yours. I'm stepping back from heroics, it's been a lot to handle without the team. You are Captain America. I'm not that much of an asshole."

"Says the guy who just 'pranked' me by pretending I'd lost a chance at life with my best friend? Oh yeah, I'm feeling real charitable about your character just now."

Steve had the grace to look chastened.

"It was Bucky's idea, I came back yesterday by mistake and he said it'd be funny. I really don't know why I believed him, he's always had a dark sense of humor."

He came close enough to touch and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. That was one of Sam's moves, steady but not overwhelming physical contact. Sam couldn't look at Steve's face this close up. He looked at the shield instead.

"I could have told you Bucky's an idiot." His treacherous voice came out strained and cracked, like he'd not spoken in weeks.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't a good idea, I didn't think it through. Do you, I mean," Steve tilted his head until Sam had to look him in the eye "could you forgive me?"

Sam should hate him. He should make him grovel for the rest of his life and even then still give him withering looks. He'd made him think he was, essentially, dead. Like he'd had to go through for 5 years. He knew how awful a feeling that was, and he'd thoughtlessly inflicted it on Sam for no reason. Sam should be pissed at him for the rest of his life.

But...here he was, right in front of him, vulnerable and sorry and so damn genuine it made Sam's heart melt. His anger leaked out of him, leaving only relief that his friend was here, and did care about him. He still felt the hurt deep down, and they'd have to have a lot of long talks about the limits of a prank, but he knew he had already truely forgiven him

Still, he had to get something out of this whole mess.

"...you are never, ever allowed to use the 'you were dead for 5 years' excuse to get me to do anything. And you have to publicly say that I am the real Captain America and am better than you at MarioKart."

"I was going to do that anyway, aside from the MarioKart thing, which really isn't fair because I didn't grow up with video games. So is that a yes?" Steve's eyes shone with hope, a tentative smile playing about his lips.

"It's an 'I'll consider it', which is frankly more than you deserve."

Sam found it difficult to maintain his air of frostiness with Steve directing an outright beam at him, and going in for a close hug, arms around Sam's neck, nudging the shield out to the side with his hips.

"I've missed you so much," Steve whispered into Sam's ear, and Sam felt his face heating up, not just from the added body heat of a super soldier.

"I've missed your humor, your bravery, how you know exactly the right thing to say. I missed everyone, of course, but you, you were a hole in my heart. When I woke up each morning it was your face I'd wish I could see first."

"Yeah, well, it's a great face."

Sam's attempt at deflecting the hugeness of what the conversation had turned into proved ineffective, because it resulted in Steve cupping said face in both hands and roving his gaze all over it.

"It is a great face, beautiful, handsome, confident, a reflection of the person underneath. You deserve so much, Sam, you are worth so much to me."

The words made Sam feel like he was being turned inside out, like he might spontaneously combust if he heard any more. All the feelings he'd been pushing down since Steve had turned up on his doorstep weary and beaten with Natasha in tow, since their shoulders brushing as they poured over clues to Bucky's whereabouts, since Sam's first time cooking Thanksgiving dinner for their splinter group of Avengers and Steve nudged his feet under the table and held his gaze as he 'mmm'd over every bite - all of them came flooding in at once and Sam gripped onto Steve's shoulders for dear life.

"You can't say stuff like that, you're going to give hope and do something I wouldn't want to take back."

"Maybe that's what I want."

Sam groaned and leaned his forehead in against Steve's. His breath tickled against Sam's lips.

"You're insufferable, you know that?"

"But you love it, though."

Sam kissed him. Steve kissed back immediately, hands moving from Sam's face to run down his back and shoulders restlessly, gripping and releasing and hot. The kiss had started sweet and soft, but quickly moved to making out without much hesitancy. When they eventually broke apart they were both breathing heavily and a delightful flush had spread through Steve's face.

"That was...very good. I weirdly wasn't expecting you to be good at that. It didn't look that good with Sharon." 

Steve looked a little embarrassed.

"I looked up some tips online."

"Well hey, it worked. Although I think a little more practical experience will be a boost-"

He was interrupted by another kiss, and he really didn't mind at all. He licked Steve's bottom lip and was rewarded with a shiver, before Steve pulled back to talk again.

"I knew you'd be good. You're good at everything. I've thought about it so many times, how many chances I've missed for fear of being wrong-"

Sam put a flurry of kissed on his mouth, overcome, until Steve gently tapped him back on the shoulder to let him continue.

"I just want to be sure, now.To tell you straight out and not just count on it to be understood. I love you Sam, wholely, and I want you to be in my life as long as you want the same. I'm so, so sorry I made you doubt that."

"I, yes, me, same. Me too." Sam said, coherently. It was a lot to take in from someone he'd been pining after for years.

Steve chuckled softly and ran a knuckle down Sam's face.

"I had 5 years to be ready to say it, don't worry. There's no rush. I'll be here, with you, as long as that's my choice to make."

"You're going to stick by me? You promise?"

Sam cringed at how clingy he sounded, but it had been an emotional afternoon and he needed some reassurance after Steve's stunt earlier.

"I promise. You have my heart, Sam. We're in this together."

Sam buried his face in Steve's neck and let himself be held, cherished even. Together. He liked the sound of that.


End file.
